Archive for September 2014

What are your gaps?

People ask me all the time “what is coaching?” Coaching is nothing more than filling the gap between where you are and where you want to be with your goals and your values in mind.

In business there are gaps in terms of being a good manager, being a good leader, or being able to manage your workload. There are gaps in terms of being a father, a husband, and a friend.

There are gaps that we’re aware of and gaps we’re unaware of. For example, if I say I value honesty but I cheat on my taxes, it violates what I hold dear. I might subconsciously justify cheating on my taxes because I need the money or I don’t see it as being dishonest. And I might be completely unaware that I’m dishonoring my values.

Sometimes people are too close to the problem to recognize it. They need an outsider’s perspective to point it out to them.

After I become aware of the problem, one of two things has to be true: either I don’t value honesty as high as I said or I’m going to stop cheating on my taxes. Coaching makes us aware of what we’re not able to see in ourselves.

For anyone to say they don’t have a gap is intellectually dishonest. We all have gaps and something will always fill the gap. It gets filled with either darkness or light. Our basic nature is to fill it with darkness. We start doubting ourselves and don’t think we can do the things we want to do.

I have a book on my reading list this month: “Uncertainty: Turning Fear and Doubt into Fuel for Brilliance” by Jonathan Fields. I haven’t read it yet, but the title spoke to me. We all have this dark little voice that says “you shouldn’t be doing this,” and it questions us and it causes us to have momentary twinges. But if you can fill the gap with light, all of a sudden it becomes a conquerable situation.

What are the gaps in your life? How are you filling those gaps? I highly recommend finding a coach to help you answer these questions. We can’t do it all by ourselves.

And let me know if you’ve read “Uncertainty: Turning Fear and Doubt into Fuel for Brilliance” and what you thought of it.

Sing the song in your heart

valentine_5Henry David said “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to their grave with a song still in them.” In the Bible, Ezra in essence said his job is to understand the laws of God and to teach it to the people. That’s the song in his heart. When he died, the song of his heart was sung.

When my father passed away, it rocked my world. The last time I saw him we visited for about an hour and half about life and about the family. We joked around and had a great conversation. Then 12 hours later he died of a massive heart attack.

When the last little bit of your life is poured out, does it leave ripples in the pond or is it a pretty quiet event? Does it matter that you were here? Has the song in your heart been sung?

Quotes like Henry David’s touch me because it makes me reach forward. It makes me think beyond myself today and think into the future. Does what I’m doing right now really matter? Twenty years from now does it really matter?

If my wife and I have a fight, in means absolutely nothing a week later. Twenty years from now, how I parented my son and daughter and what life lessons I taught them, that’s what matters. Teaching them to be a good spouse, good parent, a good friend, that’s what matters.

I want to devote my life to doing more things that matter. That’s why every year I participate in a Alzheimer’s Walk. My team name is Heart Songs, which came about because my mom didn’t get to finish singing the song of her heart.

My mom had early onset of Alzheimer’s at age 60, and died at age 72. My mom didn’t get to finish the song of her heart. Almost everybody that has Alzheimer’s dies with a song in their heart. They don’t get to finish their song. So that’s what we’re going to do – try to finish it. That’s the idea of Heart Songs.

On September 27, my team and I will participate in the Walk to End Alzheimer’s. The walk is held in Bricktown and benefits the Alzheimer’s Association. My goal is to get 20 people to join my team, Heart Songs.

I make breakfast for the Heart Songs team using good wholesome ingredients grown on my farm. I make eggs, bacon, and sausage, serve milk, cheese and fruit and fix a big breakfast for everyone who wants to show up. After the walk, we come back to the truck and have some fresh yogurt and cold water.

We’re also going to make our own t-shirts, tie-dye them and get them screen-printed.

If you’re interested in joining my team and can help me sing the song of my heart, I encourage you to sign up for the Walk to End Alzheimer’s.

If the topic of discovering the song of your heart interests you, I encourage you to read “The Art of Nonconformity: Set Your Own Rules, Live the Life You Want, and Change the World” by Chris Guillaebaue. Let me know what you think of it.